Been A While

I must say it has been two months since my last entry- and this one will be short. I will write again later, just letter to let you all know that I am alive and kickin. Things are great for me now. Check back by this weekend for an updated blog!

Here I come to wreck the day!

Well, it was a rather long day. I messed up by waking up late and getting to work late. I normally dont work on Sundays- but had to re-arrange my shift earlier this week. In any case The day came and went with no real bad news, or good news on anything. The highlight of my day was when Esther came to visit me at work, which was great. It is always inspiring to see her on days I normally dont see her. Well, the bad news finally had come (like I always get myself in trouble with) when Esther and I were outside and we got engaged in a conversation that was seriously out of line, talking about sex and what guys always think about. It got way more graphic, but I left it at that.

So needless to say, Esther is "Concerned" that I am going to be too prone to that type of conversation and behavior later on down the road. Once I get myself straightened out, I dont care to even think of coming back to the past. Because with the exception of certain people and times in my past, everything is hogwash.

The good thing that did come of the evening, is I got approved for VTO (Voluntary Time Off) @ 7:30 and headed home for a little break. I plan on taking my son tonight so I can be with him. I miss him all the time, even when he is here with me.

I signed up for some Overtime, like I am going to do continously throughout the year so I can give my kids a heck of a Christmas in making up for their daddy divorcing their mom, and making the mistake to begin with. But I am glad I got my kids out of it- that was the good part. So hopefully with more OT, comes more money, which means more gifts more my kids, and that means a better ability to pay off the debt I currently am having to pay off to the phone company that I had run up a month ago when I ran over my minutes. So now every week I have to pay 100 dollars on TOP of all the phone bill usage.

So, overtime is a must. I also have quite the bill to pay back to Esther for whipping out all kinds of money for me when I was lower in the pocketbook greens. I think her tab is running close to 1000.00 dollars. Boy do I owe her some money.

In any case, I have to write in my journal, and do a few other things before I go get my boy for the night, so you all take care, and have a good night!

-Rex

ALIVE AND KICKIN!

Well kids and kidetts- Im back on the blog to bust out a shout to all the homies! lol, just kidding. Today, despite the fact that I was seriously tired- I managed to make it through work without incident. I kept my kids up until 11:30, spending much more time with them instead of taking them back early in the morning.

Unfortunately I didnt take them tonight because I wanted to catch up on some sleep- or at least be able to sleep through without worrying about the kids getting into some kind of trouble here in my small studio while I sleep.

In any case, I made it off to work fine and the day was pretty slow. I got to write in my journal all day today, and yesterday, so now my paper journal, as well as my online journal (blog) is getting more up to date. I am trying to keep all my information up to date so there is NO lapse in information on my part.

I am still pushing the vitamins as my hopeful business- and successfully submitted it to 1,000,000 search engines, with all of them having my site successfully added by the new year, and that means the traffic will start flowin!

Hopefully that means all my worries about working will defuse- and I will be able to focus on what I want, my children and my book. So, long story short- I am praying that I am blessed enough to not have to work a dead end job, and work for myself!

Well, I hope all my friends are doing well, and ask if they find the time... to shoot me an email and let me know how things are doing...since I dont talk to them that often. Take it easy all!

PEACE!

Back to the Vitamins!

Well ya'll I dont have a whole lot of time to invest in my blog tonight, but I did want to give you all the heads up that the Vitamin site I am running is now registered to all the major search engines, so if you didnt believe my commitment before- check the site out and give it a shot. 30 day money back satisfaction!

www.dontforgettotakeyourvitamins.com/beardsley5264

Check it out folks!

-Rex

The Daily Line Up

Well, I am going to keep this blog entry fairly short and sweet, because I should have been asleep HOURS ago... lol.

Anyways- looks like some testing of my spirit is coming around the corner again, as my (ex) wife Melissa's roomate starts to try to stiff us on childcare issues- so I have to change my schedule to a morning shift, even though its not something I want to do- unless she gets her act together, and I will find that out in about 6 hours...

Well, wish me luck as I pray that she either conforms to her original agreement with Melissa- or that the good Lord helps me by providing me with another way. Either way I am game, I just cant wait to find out what the real deal is. If anyone has any ideas or input, shoot me an email @ Beardsley004@msn.com and I will try to respond ASAP. I check my email daily, so that shouldnt be an issue.

So...Now I also need to squeeze more time in to type in my book. I wish sometimes I could take hours out of the day (Usually when I am at work) and wish I could buy more hours when I am with my kids or Esther. lol- the irony.

Well Kids- a few more things before I can go to bed- this can now be checked off! See ya!

-Rex - DIRECTOR OF THE BLATANTLY OBVIOUS!

Heya Peeps!

Well, this is a part of my new commitment to myself to write in the blog, in my journal, and in my book. I Just hope all this writing helps me with more skills to write, instead of the possibility of burning me out. I have to keep optimistic about all the writing- to be a blessing, not a punishment. Despite all the issues that I have to deal with- I think the battles are going to be easier to clear up. I have the task one day of sitting down and trying to finish catching up in my journal since I have allowed myself to do otherwise, like video games and talking all the times on the phone. Although they are fun, I dont think they are the ones that are going to make my life easier. So, I can try to hope that I can get into the routine that I have set for myself on a daily basis, and make it possible 100% by January 1st 2005. So, Basically, my writing in this blog tonight is just a starting memo/ session that I am hoping will be a DAILY post from here on out, and have details of the days too, not just the same ol stuff. Essentially I am going to be keeping two journals.

I dont suppose it should be that hard to do, especially if I set my mind to it. I am also going to add to the list of DAILY things to do- Working out and getting into shape. I have a feeling that If I do that, my urge to want to smoke will decrease because who wants a smoke after running a marathon? lol.

I also am going to try to keep daily, if not weekly picture posts of the adventures me and my kids have during the week, and try to set a goal to go somewhere once a week and set it as normal of a thing to do, just like going to church, or eating dinner. Just need to do some research there.

So, I hope that with all my lucky readers, as well as anyone who actually checks this constantly, that there will always be fresh information on my life, and the life of my kids. I have to make sure that my friends can stay in touch with my life, even if it is indirectly.

So, This will satisfy me for the day, but I plan to write before the end of this day (Before 11:59pm) and see if I can do it! Wish me luck!

Rex

Hoping To Trample The Adversary

I end up having to look at the adversary in ways that other people would consider normal. I dont like to think of the devil, nor of the control he has over the mass population of this world. I dont like thinking that nomatter what I do, and where I go, there are legions of his followers hounding my every move. I have to try to keep a positive additude despite my problems. I guess as much as I like to think I have it bad, there probably are tons more people that have it worse than me. I am not complaining about what I have for temporal needs, not in any ways. I am however implying that I believe that me, and certain members of my family have more battles with the Devil than most people I know. People have said that this is a struggle for me because of how special I am in the eyes of the Lord. People have thought that perhaps my misfortune is something I need to strugle through just so I can assist others in the future. I hope that I can attain a high glory.... even though all my problems constantly remind themselves to me. How can anyone possibly hope or try to understand my past without judging me? I think of all the others I might meet in my life in the near future, will be inclined to do so. There at least seems to be a few alternatives. One, I could explain my past to everyone that would have a direct impact in my life, and possibly face the idea that they may not want to deal, or talk with me. Or two, I can hide my past, remain humble about my blessings, and allow them to think I am a saint.
It kind of makes me think that either way I am screwed. Because if I reveal my past, Im an evil man, never able to change in the eyes of anyone else. If I dont , then I am living a lie. However, anyone else I know, they dont seem to be pressured by others to reveal their past. Sounds like a tricky and unsatisfying route.
Like a good 311 song, it explains to keep every option open... and not to fall short on the long routes. "Reconsider Everything" is the title of the song.
Or like the other song of theirs I like, "Beyond the Grey sky"... They point out that nomatter what their problems, they thank the Lord for the clear blue sky when it comes.
Guess relating to music is easier for me, then just to relate with people on a "Been there done that" mood.

Well, honestly dont know how this day is going to work out. I am stressed physically because of almost no sleep. I am drowning in my own past, and I am having a hard time optimisticly seeing beyond the Grey sky. (Probably because I enjoy the murky dark and grey weather.)

I also dont know how long Esther is going to press through these battles with me. Id like to hope forever... but even she isnt immune to stress, and her upbringing very different from mine. The absolute best way to describe my childhood is viewed through a music video called "Broken Home" by Papa Roach. He really hits the nerve of understanding trying to show how life was for him growing up, and he showed my life as well probably without knowing it. Then, thinking about that I realized that this is probably why this type of "Punk" music is becoming the thing for kids these days. Eminem, all similar artists are the ones who describe the hard lifestyles in their songs- the ones people can relate with.

Anyways... im sure you all are fed up with todays sermon.... so I will sign off and write when I feel most inclined. Probably when I cant vent anywhere else but here. Enjoy...

Criticism Taking Its Toll

I wish there was an easy way to say that Im tired of life. Im tired of trying to change in the face of countless numbers of opposition, only to find that nomatter what I do, im still critisized...I am still viewed as a liability because of things I have done in my past. Im tired of the garbage, im tired of feeling like a lost cause. Im tired of feeling as valueable as the dirt on the bottom om someones shoe. One of these days I wont be able to press on any longer. The feeling of not wanting to be keeps creeping up on me. One of these days- it just might win. Without trying, I somehow manage to hurt people...even the ones I love dearly. Wont ever give up on her.... just know that if this struggling garbage continues, she will give up on me.....